Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
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