These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
