I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
