I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I know her cup size but not her name....
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
