You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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