Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
