Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
