Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
