Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
