I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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