i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
