Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
