you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
