I cockslap morals
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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