He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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