apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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