I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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