He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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