so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
