Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
