Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
