shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
