Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
