defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
