He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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