but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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