i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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