so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
