if only i could text you this smell
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
