We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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