i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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