After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
