I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
