we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
