You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
