Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
