Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
