i jhust puked up my retainher.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
