i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
