I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
