$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
