What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
