He is an equal opportunity slut.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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