Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
