I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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