who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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