Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize