im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
