I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
