Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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