Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
