it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Let's paint friendship bongs
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
