...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
