you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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