Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

you still trying to smash that chick?

(1-248): View more from Michigan

it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober

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(248): you still trying to smash that chick? (1-248): it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober http://tfl.nu/22ty

Replies (1) Good night (894) Bad night (1141)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.

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(203): I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket. http://tfl.nu/3353

Replies (28) Good night (1473) Bad night (654)
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(360): View more from Washington

we are all sexual creatures

(951): View more from California

yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.

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(360): we are all sexual creatures (951): yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any. http://tfl.nu/bk7c

Replies (9) Good night (814) Bad night (2890)
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(619): View more from California

I'm passing your future prison.

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(619): I'm passing your future prison. http://tfl.nu/j7g6

Replies (15) Good night (4433) Bad night (1107)
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(206): View more from Washington

I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.

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(206): I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log. http://tfl.nu/ft0h

Replies (47) Good night (15544) Bad night (1010)
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(917): View more from New York City

Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.

(347): View more from New York

I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.

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(917): Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement. (347): I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy. http://tfl.nu/2bcu

Replies (14) Good night (1297) Bad night (5026)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.

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(304): He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE. http://tfl.nu/ltby

Replies (27) Good night (1142) Bad night (3386)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.

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(508): he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him. http://tfl.nu/d83n

Replies (4) Good night (1938) Bad night (954)
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(707): View more from California

And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa

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(707): And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa http://tfl.nu/9onc

Replies (12) Good night (2083) Bad night (995)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.

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(608): Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style. http://tfl.nu/f4ko

Replies (7) Good night (1553) Bad night (998)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?

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(843): Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes? http://tfl.nu/3eu0

Replies (8) Good night (614) Bad night (1502)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.

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(336): I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012. http://tfl.nu/82uc

Replies (5) Good night (1050) Bad night (526)
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(818): View more from California

Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it

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(818): Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it http://tfl.nu/vzjc

Replies (10) Good night (1554) Bad night (479)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.

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(402): i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding. http://tfl.nu/exiv

Replies (2) Good night (622) Bad night (366)
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(716): View more from New York

Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning

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(716): Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning http://tfl.nu/8997

Replies (2) Good night (523) Bad night (261)

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