Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(519): View more from Ontario

she's naming her girl london marie

(519): View more from Ontario

that kid will be born with a tramp stamp

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(519): she's naming her girl london marie (519): that kid will be born with a tramp stamp http://tfl.nu/2dqp

Replies (21) Good night (999) Bad night (2966)
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(816): View more from Missouri

YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!

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(816): YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!! http://tfl.nu/o3fb

Replies (29) Good night (879) Bad night (4910)
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(251): View more from Alabama

I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.

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(251): I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole. http://tfl.nu/c6gz

Replies (18) Good night (958) Bad night (4675)
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(513): View more from Ohio

i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world

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(513): i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world http://tfl.nu/tdpx

Replies (70) Good night (8279) Bad night (824)
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(269): View more from Michigan

I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.

(616): View more from Michigan

Who said I want to share with you?

(269): View more from Michigan

You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.

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(269): I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you. (616): Who said I want to share with you? (269): You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book. http://tfl.nu/trh2

Replies (40) Good night (6808) Bad night (1030)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star

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(202): you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star http://tfl.nu/tu9p

Replies (11) Good night (3688) Bad night (1091)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"

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(701): They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?" http://tfl.nu/4dfl

Replies (8) Good night (4589) Bad night (996)
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(419): View more from Ohio

Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...

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(419): Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl... http://tfl.nu/mv65

Replies (8) Good night (4188) Bad night (1057)
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(360): View more from Washington

i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.

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(360): i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident. http://tfl.nu/ming

Replies (5) Good night (1976) Bad night (684)
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(760): View more from California

I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.

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(760): I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free. http://tfl.nu/mdao

Replies (7) Good night (3122) Bad night (1163)
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(785): View more from Kansas

Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?

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(785): Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference? http://tfl.nu/d4sd

Replies (7) Good night (1885) Bad night (859)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

So Monday we're lesbians.

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.

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(717): So Monday we're lesbians. (1-717): Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball. http://tfl.nu/1nin

Replies (6) Good night (1329) Bad night (488)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis

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(202): I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis http://tfl.nu/lbuu

Replies (43) Good night (1000) Bad night (3411)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it

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(507): Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it http://tfl.nu/9eeg

Replies (0) Good night (606) Bad night (272)
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(713): View more from Texas

Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.

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(713): Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application. http://tfl.nu/jvuq

Replies (5) Good night (237) Bad night (611)

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