Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
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So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
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My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.