So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
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I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.