Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.