are you so shy because you have an std?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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