So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE