I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it