but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
