why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
