Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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