i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
