I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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