do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
