There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
