'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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