we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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