My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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