wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
