I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
