I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
