my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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