Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
