What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
