the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
