Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
