I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
